Friday 14 June 2013

The Big Penis Truth: Does Penis Size Matter?


A question that's always asked, but never satisfactorily answered.

The Big Penis Debate: Does Penis Size Matter?




Males, past and present, have always been self-conscious about the size of their penis. Insecurity begins during early teenage life, purely to cause havoc. It's during this time that the penis develops a mind of its own. Without warning, it suddenly becomes uncontrollable. Usually in public, to maximize embarrassment, it will erect itself for no reason whatsoever.  Its departure will require the mind to engage into its most tedious thought. Teenagers will often exit a bus with their erection concealed by a college bag. 

Ultimately, discussions within this age group will change dramatically. Toys and games are banished to the loft, they have a new plaything, and it doesn’t come with instructions. Each new member must gather their own information. Shower room debates, regardless of global location, will always reach the same conclusion. 
Bigger is Better.

It's a never ending cycle. each male generation, generating insecurities that can last a lifetime. But should the male population continue to suffer such indignities? Is it time to remove this self inflicted doubt? The internet is home to mass information regarding penis size, and much of it concludes, Bigger is Better  to be an error. Compiled evidence insists that, during the course of sex, EVERY penis size has its pros and cons.

More will follow on this big crunch issue.

Wednesday 8 May 2013

Sex for Chocolate? (So Sweet)






  Considered the sweetest, can Chocolate replace a sexual appetite? Whether sex be a hourly, daily, weekly, monthly or even yearly craving, does filling the mouth with a Mars bar or Cadburys flake remove its pangs? Scientists, who experiment everywhere, but probably never in the bedroom, have produced some interesting facts.
Chocolate-contains Phenyl-ethylamine, (quite a mouthful), and this chemical is released into the brain whenever things become frisky or romantic. To avoid a chemistry lesson, I will simply say that its snowball effect can lead to a most satisfying orgasm. However, before these sexual highs can flood a person’s body, they need a catalyst to shoot them out. Chocolate, is that very catalyst. Experts say that Chocolate Fingers opening Chocolate Buttons before helping themselves to Double Deckers is foreplay at its most erotic.

All of this brings me back to the original question: Is Chocolate capable of feeding a sexual appetite? There is a reason I ask, returning home one evening last week, I discovered my girlfriend curled up on the rug dressed only in underwear.

“You won’t believe how Black Magic can satisfy me,” she moaned.

She was acting extremely strange, and when I opened the wardrobe I discovered her secret. Whips, Cadburys Walnut Whips to be precise, but not only that, a Turkish Delight was laying across her Fudge. Being open minded, I felt there must be something in what these Scientists are saying, yet there is a ‘but’ coming. A substitute is meant to replace something of a similar ilk. Now, I can state quite honestly, we have NEVER had that amount of sex.

No longer too tired, her mouth devours her new love all night long. And talk about double penetration! With a Flake in one side and a Curly Wurly in the other, I had no idea she could use her mouth with such passion. So, just as a Scientist would, I will finish with a conclusion.
 If you suspect your partner is having an affair, pray it's not with Chocolate. Whereas a fling with a human may only be brief, I conclude that Chocolate is to love, honour and obey.







Tuesday 23 April 2013

Unsociable People. (Public Transport)

I have just arrived back home from Crown Court. They liked me so much they they have asked me to return to receive a sentence. It must be one of those writer things.

Anyway, the reason I was invited to Crown Court was down to an extremely unsociable young lady. Heading into town on the bus, I  had found myself standing and holding onto a support bar, directly next to where the said young lady was seated. Now, I had no qualms about standing, sometimes, there is no alternative. However, on this particular journey, whenever the bus turned, which was quite often, motion took me forward. This outcome resulted in my crotch, accidentally, pushing into her face.

After it occurred six or seven times, there was a misunderstanding, which resulted in her pressing the bell and demanding the driver call the police. Due to her unsociable attitude, she claimed I had sexually harassed her. The police duly arrived, and to my astonishment, they took her side, arrested me and suggested I call a lawyer. I contacted a law firm who specialize in such incidents. After I provided a detailed description of the misunderstanding, my defence counsel had every sympathy. In fact, his very words were. "You would have gotten away with it if there had not been fifteen empty seats."


                                Big Ben.                                  There is always that exceptionally well hung individual in the sho...