Wednesday 12 February 2014

Inventor of the Hand Job.

Few are aware that 2020 marks the 2,000th anniversary of the birth of Roman advisor Handrewe Jorbe. The Roman Army conquered all before them and the role HJ played should not be underestimated. Continuously marching into battle, soldiers needed to become focused before meeting enemy forces. It's well documented that the Romans favourite pastime was sex, they invented and gave orgies to the world.

After enjoying daily sexual activity in Rome, soldiers had to endure cold turkey. Roman Soldiers marched to war in formations of 80, which meant 10 rows, each 8 abreast. Before battles, soldiers had to stand motionless when listening to their Generals final details. During this time, lack of sex caused soldiers to grow erections. This frustration led to soldiers becoming distracted from their Generals final tactics.

On Handrewe Jorbe's suggestion,a large number of female and a few male slaves were utilized. When  Generals began their speech, a slave knelt and tended the erection of each soldier. The faster the slaves hand moved, the more inspirational the speech became. His idea proved a huge success, soldiers marched into battle inspired, and without a prominent target for the enemy. Without audio technology,  Generals and slaves had to repeat the process for several formations.

It was teething troubles which led to Roman Soldiers wearing the tunics that they are now famously synonymous with. Early Roman fly zips were so crude that slaves were unable to open them, causing wars to be delayed in some cases. Romans always sought easy access to groin areas and the new creation tunic was the perfect solution. Eventually, slaves became known as Handrewe's, a term which was shortened to Hands. Rome readily acknowledged the slaves input and enlisted them into the army.  The Emperor bestowed upon them the title-Hands  Job Unit.

The term 'Hand' is now accepted the world over as someone who help or gives assistance. The much renown quote-Many Hands Make Light Work-was inspired by the work of Handrewe Jorbe's slaves. Let there be no doubt, HJ inspired future generations into lending a helping hand whenever possible.Let's hope the tradition is maintained for for many more generations.


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