Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Sunday 7 April 2013

Organ Donors: The Priceless Crew.

Most people pass by hospitals without giving them a second thought; unless of course, your life is currently connected to one. Nowadays, large town and city hospitals are huge communities, almost towns in their own right. Very few will go through life without becoming a part of such a community. This is a little peek inside.

What would we do without You?

Inside a hospital theatre a doctor is furiously pumping a patient’s heart as the matron anxiously looks on. Eventually the doctor stops and shakes his head.

“I’m afraid that’s it; we can’t do anymore. “

Matron appears to be shocked and surprised. “But doctor, don’t you think you should try the resuscitation a while longer, and give him an I.C.I. injection?”

The doctor seems very reluctant. “Yes I agree, but it’s the nurse’s staff party tonight and I have so been looking forward to it.

Matron is totally aghast.”The nurses can manage very well without you, but this patient can’t and needs you.”

The doctor sighs. “You don't understand; it's the only night of the year that I can see nurses out of their uniforms. They will be dressed as civilians, wearing ordinary clothes; do you know what that does to a red blooded medic?”

Matron’s face is about to explode when a nurse rushes in.

“I have the patients papers here doctor.”

While reading them his expression becomes one of total horror. “Oh my God! Quickly matron, prepare the I.C.I. injection, nurse don’t you dare go anywhere, you are needed here.”

Matron is happily amazed by his sudden change of attitude. “I’m so glad you have finally come to your senses doctor.”

Doctor resumes pumping; he appears determined to start the patient’s heart, not looking up when he says. “I have just read his notes; he’s an Organ donor. If he dies I can kiss the party goodbye; I will be here all night carefully removing them.”

Matron is once again left speechless; then much to their relief, the patient begins to cough and splutter.

Suddenly a voice bellows; “Cue the slogan.”

The camera zooms in on a slogan. “ORGAN DONORS-WE ARE fucked WITHOUT YOU.”

Tuesday 26 March 2013

Safe Sex. Sex and Fun.

It's absolutely essential that we practice Safe Sex until it is completely mastered. Once we become accomplished, we can attempt advanced safe sex, which includes a lot of nudity. 

Sunday 24 March 2013

When Budgets and Brothels Collide.

During the recent Budget the Chancellor announced: "There will be a rise in the cost of alcohol." This was by no means a surprise; paying extra for pleasure has become inevitable. However, alcohol comes in many different guises, and the Exchequer had to reveal each particular increase of -Wine-Spirits-Liqueur Beer and-Cider. Those rises are then relayed on tv and radio throughout the day.

The preciseness of those price changes turned my thoughts to future budgets. The issue of 'Legalizing Brothels' has been raised many times, consequently, history and a mass of publicity awaits the first to open its doors. As more and more open, the media will lose interest and brothels will become part of everyday life. The likelihood is that these establishments will become extremely prosperous. In doing so, they will receive long hard looks from officialdom, desperate for extra revenue.

It's here we should realize that sex, similar to alcohol, is very diverse and customers will buy from an extensive menu. An individuals pleasure will depend on their outlay of money. Stopping for a quick one on the way home will take on a whole new meaning. The daily  special will probably be advertised on blackboards outside premises. Competition would dictate that a number of brothel activities were made affordable. Therefore, budgets will become highly entertaining events.

Orgasmic moans from the opposition bench  as the Chancellor announces a £1 increase on all sperm swallowed blow jobs. Once the groans subside, he will probably deliver a sweetener. 'We the government are aware of low income hardship, and for that reason, the price of a basic hand-job will remain firm.' Party supporters will yell their delight, hoping to soften the blow of his next punishing delivery. 'Due to the incompetence of the previous government, I have found it necessary to increase all extreme gang bangs by £5 a head.'

At this point, cameras will move outside to hear the opinion of a brothel owners. 'Gang-bangs are the popular choice of brides to be-they enjoy a final fling. Brides don’t pay a penny-the increased charge will fall on the stag party she is handed to. Gang bang numbers will be reduced, which means less revenue and fewer cocks for the poor bride.'

Back at the newsroom, Government MPs. will be grilled. 'Why have blow jobs risen above the rate of inflation? Will this extra cost lead to people staying home with a cheap blue movie from the supermarket? Is it true that all council run Glory Holes are about to be swallowed up by the private sector? Why has the Government turned its back on granting permission for 'Anal Only' brothels?

Such legislation will really brighten up political debate: Purely for research, I'll call in at a brothel myself; if it's not too taxing.

                                Big Ben.                                  There is always that exceptionally well hung individual in the sho...