Monday, 15 December 2014

Winning the Lottery is such a Burden

Lottery Hell

When I won the lottery I thought all my problems were solved. I'd no idea of the mental stress that came with £12m. Lottery advisors suggested I should enjoy, but not waste my fortune. Problems started only a few days later when I was forced to make an agonising decision.

Having won a vast amount on the Saturday lottery draw, Wednesday was here in the blink of an eye. There had been no time to consider the the pros and cons of continuing to play it and I panicked. With my mind confused, it was impossible to make a balanced choice. Bewildered, I took a huge gamble and decided to play. The moment the numbers had been called I regretted it-what a disaster-never won a single penny.

If only that had been the end of it, that same indecision has continued for almost three months now. Twice a week my thoughts are in turmoil. I was able to calm down a little when I won a further £10, but overall, I'm well over £20 down since my huge win. Some people have won the lottery twice, but I doubt I'm lucky enough to join their ranks. My sensible side is telling me to stop playing, and I should listen, but my reckless side always has the last word and my fortune is slowly frittering away.

And that's not my only nightmare, I now have to worry about the crisis that Christmas will bring. In the past, I never once bought a round of drinks for my friends; if I break that habit they may feel I'm flaunting my money in their face. It's the same predicament with the window cleaner, milkman, refuse collectors and paper boy. Tipping for the first time could send them scurrying around the neighbourhood, telling all and sundry that I've become a flash show off?

I sometimes wish that someone else had won and I could simply have my pound back; however, it would be so selfish to saddle another with my problems. I'll soldier on best I can, someone, somewhere, may be carrying a heavier burden than my millions. My chauffeur does the lottery and I've began to worry about him winning. What would happen to me if he did? It's the same fear with my other staff, cleaners, au pair etc. Would they honour their verbal month's notice agreement. All I can do is pray they don't win, the pressure of finding new staff is something I don't need. Unfortunately, problems such are these will always be lying in wait for wealthy chaps such as me.


Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Warming to Sexy Games.





What's the final result of a flirty adult game?





Camper van enthusiasts, Susie and Paul, devise a sexy game surrounding Susie's ever growing suntan. The fun loving married couple arrive at the same secluded beauty spot each weekend. While dreamily basking topless, Susie opens her eyes and is shocked to find landowner Greg looking down at her. Somewhat confused, she bluffs of being a regular topless bather. Her saucy deceit allows permanent flaunting of her breasts.  Fortunately, he happens to be the warmest and most amicable man they could ever wish to meet. Instant friends, the three begin to enjoy the summer in perfect isolation.  Lovers of dirty talk, during sex, Susie and Paul fantasize about a threesome with Greg.

   Their idyllic location and unconcerned atmosphere paves the way for Greg to assist Paul in applying Susie's sun-cream. Rules of their sexy game demand that more flesh is revealed after each application. Down to a teeny bikini bottom, and thrilled at Greg's touch across her breasts, they anticipate his hands among the folds of her pussy. However, the ultimate outcome and its reason was never envisaged, not even during their wildest fantasy. A good feeling story, with lots of progressive and enjoyable sex.

Suntan's finishing touches

  



Description of erotic Ebook -Suntan Notion by Roy Station. It can be found on Amazon.






Thursday, 22 May 2014

Swap Smoking for Sex.

Does less Smoking mean more Sex?

Buck Before Quitting






While many viewed the latest increase on a packet of Cigarettes to be extortion, up to £10, it delighted my friend Buck who wished it had been more. Deciding to quit the 40 a day habit, Buck now has excess money and can afford regular visits to his local brothel.

‘Fucking sure beats coughing,’ he says. And when asked if he missed a satisfying smoke afterwards-he replied, ‘Inhaling a succulent breast provides better satisfaction.’

While we all miss him in the local pub, we don't begrudge him his new horny lifestyle. If only I could join him! Unfortunately, I never opted to smoke. Had I done so, I too could have quit and found myself with lots of spare money. Buck suggested I start smoking now, he reasoned-‘Cigarettes will cost £20 a packet in the near future, people who quit then will become wealthy, probably have enough money to live in a brothel permanently.’

Buck Without Cigarettes





I don' have a head for finances, but I will have to give his advice some thought. Meanwhile, I'll stick with my right hand,-at least there are no nicotine stains on it.

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Enjoy a Modern Sex Life.

Nothing stays the same, and that includes sex. Something new always comes along, and in no time at all we are left wondering how on earth we managed without it. This is a little tale that reveals how I manage to stay in touch with modern trends. 

Do you know what you're doing?




Have a Modern Sex Life.

It was during the fifth or possibly sixth beer, that our discussion arrived at sex. My best friend Albert and I have a wonderful, honest, relationship, similar to the one I once had with my wife. He asked how my sex life was and I had to admit that it was as infrequent as it was dull.

“That’s because you’re no longer a mystery; you need to surprise her, give her a shock.”
“Going home early would do that.”
“Roy! Your kids are married and gone; you should be having the sex of your lives. Try bending her over the settee or take her on the kitchen floor.”
“Taking her to chemist for indigestion and headache pills is as far as I go nowadays.”
“Don’t tell me you’re not up to date with seduction techniques?”
“Techniques? Couple of lagers topped up with a few brandies and knickers off, is that no longer the order of the day?
“Naw, naw naw; that’s primitive; it’s all about Bodisim; it’s the new thing.”
“Bodisim! What the fuck’s Bodisim?”
“Unless you want her legs to stay closed forever, you must learn. It’s a mystical art of stripping your woman naked and then belting her arse until it’s red raw.”
“Is this beer getting to you???”
“It’s no wind up. Bodisim was invented by a woman whose hair turned grey on her fiftieth birthday.”
“How did she come up with that?”

“She was so depressed that she jay walked across the road to buy a colourful wig. A posh city bloke, in a Rolls Royce, smacked into her and she landed open legged on top of his Spirit of Ecstasy. Her bum was badly bruised and she was in agony, but she orgasmed five times before the emergency crew pulled her off it. From that day on, she couldn’t enjoy sex without a painful arse.”

“Interesting as that is, how will it help me?”
“Because that aching ass was a milestone; just like the first woman who burnt her bra when she had sore nipples, another piece of history in the making.”
“Surely you know that I haven’t got a Rolls Royce.”
“You don’t need a posh car to belt your loved one; that Spirit of Ecstasy was only the spark. You’ve got a bike, use an inner tube.”
“So, if I belt my wife’s ass with an inner tube, she’ll be mad for sex?”
“Take my word for it; in fact get some Viagra, she’ll keep you at it all night.”

I enjoy being drunk; it stopped me from feeling embarrassed when I asked the girl in the chemist for Viagra, in fact,I asked for it in quite a loud voice. I wanted everyone in the shop to know that they were in the presence of a stud.

“You’re fucking late home again you drunken cunt.”

My wife’s voice seemed to be lacking its feminine charm, but armed with my new carnival knowledge, she’d soon need an abacus to keep count of her orgasms. After calling me every name under the sun for an hour or so, she went upstairs for her evening bath. I waited until steam began to escape beneath the door and crept in gripping my lengthy inner tube. Perfect, she was naked and bent over the bath testing the water.

“What happened then?” Albert asked, in the pub a few days later.

“Well, I’d overlooked something most important; she was still having treatment for bum blisters.”
“Oh yeah, you spilled that boiling coffee on her arse when she was sunbathing in the garden.”
“Anyway, I managed to land two really powerful strokes. Hearing her yell, I thought your information was working. It roused rather than aroused her; she grabbed me by the balls and literally threw me in the air.”

“The black eye?”
“From a right hook on the way down.”
“I’m afraid your wife must be one of those rare women who are not suited to Bodisim. She’s what you call a Domontricks  Massacarist. Fortunately, I know how to make those horny too.”

Want a little comedy sex read?
  

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Inventor of the Hand Job.

Few are aware that 2020 marks the 2,000th anniversary of the birth of Roman advisor Handrewe Jorbe. The Roman Army conquered all before them and the role HJ played should not be underestimated. Continuously marching into battle, soldiers needed to become focused before meeting enemy forces. It's well documented that the Romans favourite pastime was sex, they invented and gave orgies to the world.

After enjoying daily sexual activity in Rome, soldiers had to endure cold turkey. Roman Soldiers marched to war in formations of 80, which meant 10 rows, each 8 abreast. Before battles, soldiers had to stand motionless when listening to their Generals final details. During this time, lack of sex caused soldiers to grow erections. This frustration led to soldiers becoming distracted from their Generals final tactics.

On Handrewe Jorbe's suggestion,a large number of female and a few male slaves were utilized. When  Generals began their speech, a slave knelt and tended the erection of each soldier. The faster the slaves hand moved, the more inspirational the speech became. His idea proved a huge success, soldiers marched into battle inspired, and without a prominent target for the enemy. Without audio technology,  Generals and slaves had to repeat the process for several formations.

It was teething troubles which led to Roman Soldiers wearing the tunics that they are now famously synonymous with. Early Roman fly zips were so crude that slaves were unable to open them, causing wars to be delayed in some cases. Romans always sought easy access to groin areas and the new creation tunic was the perfect solution. Eventually, slaves became known as Handrewe's, a term which was shortened to Hands. Rome readily acknowledged the slaves input and enlisted them into the army.  The Emperor bestowed upon them the title-Hands  Job Unit.

The term 'Hand' is now accepted the world over as someone who help or gives assistance. The much renown quote-Many Hands Make Light Work-was inspired by the work of Handrewe Jorbe's slaves. Let there be no doubt, HJ inspired future generations into lending a helping hand whenever possible.Let's hope the tradition is maintained for for many more generations.



                    

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Perfect Partners-Coming Together-Teamwork.



I have no meaning in life.



Taking an impromptu stock take of my winter clothing recently I came across a pair of fingerless woolen gloves; half fingerless to be precise-as they reached the first knuckle of each finger. I had no recollection of how they had came into my possession-possibly an old Christmas present? Regardless, I decided to go to my local shop on my mountain bike, and wanted to wear them. I was hoping they would give me a new cool look to be honest-possibly bring myself to the attention of the female hordes?

Alas, I may as well of been invisible-and those gloves were definitely not cool, freezing actually, with my exposed fingers, proverbially, dropping off. What I then found puzzling, they are more expensive than gloves with entire fingers. Ideally, fingerless gloves allow the wearer to handle small objects, but surely the finger tips become so cold that they can’t function correctly?

So, after much head scratching, I deduced that they are only practical when used in conjunction with crotchless knickers/panties; strangely, another item of clothing reduced for convenience. Many people believe they were invented to allow belligerent Mother in Laws a better grip on their broomstick.  Whereas bitterly cold fingertips find it difficult to function with coins keys etc, the warmth following a crotchless underwear insertion is most rewarding. All of which reveals, the depth of accomplishment when two come together as one.



I now know my intended destination.
I imagine smacks will be somewhat cushioned.
   



Perfect Partners. 

Friday, 6 December 2013

Spice of a Third Party.

 The illness of a sexless marriage will find no better remedy than 'Third Party.' 




With first hand knowledge of Jacob's ability, frustrated John wastes no time in seeking him out as a Third Party. Recent testimonies confirm Jacob can persuade even the most frigid of wives to part her legs. John has no qualms about allowing Jacob to unleash his huge cock upon Janice, his wife. Suffering an ailing sex life, he longs for arousal juice to circulate the folds of her pussy once again.

It's a huge gamble that depends entirely on a successful seduction of Janice; something highly unlikely and probably marriage ending. However, the events of life combine to provide the perfect scenario and John's boldness is rewarded. In a rare moment of carefree attitude, Janice waives her historical sexual reluctance. After being roughly pounded throughout the night, she wakes with her pussy stretched and craving more cock.

John's action when contacting a Third Party was drastic, but his alternative meant a permanent surrender to celibacy. Attempting to extract any sort of arousal from Janice had become a hopeless and overly tiresome crusade. Yet the spice of a different cock, albeit huge, strikes her untapped well of lust in an instant. Although not without drama, John can never express sufficient gratitude for Jacob's assistance. Janice is now ever horny to straddle John's cock, or any other he asks her to.        

'Come and get your treat John, Janice calls to her husband who waits in the adjoining bedroom. He enters to the sight of his wife’s open legs and her pussy oozing sperm. It had come from Jacob's huge black cock, which she held and licked . Wearing his wife's panties, John lapped up and down her slit until....

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